April 25, 2013

Celebrate Success

I have been working for a long time on the potty training concept for my now 3 1/2 year old son. We have tried so much. Spending the day training the bear while drinking lots of juice and water. We'd sit my son on the toilet every 5 minutes. Inevitably, we learned that he knew how to hold it! He'd only pee after he got up. We  even tried giving him choices between the big toilet or a child's toilet, upstairs or downstairs. We tried to explain what we wanted and how. We of course talked to him about being big like the rest of us, including the other kids in the family.

I have been getting frustrated. Besides the financial ramifications of buying diapers, and the "what will the neighbors think?", I found for me the real desire was for him. How much easier for him to be able to go in and take care of business for himself. He'll get a sense of accomplishment. He'd get to be more independent, something he loves. With this in mind, I started asking, "How can I train him?" and "What's another way?" This opened me up for some inspiration about how to do things a little different.

Today, I told him that he could play outside after he went in the toilet. He did go in the toilet, and on the toilet and on the floor. Did I get mad about the mess? NO!!! I celebrated his great job! He didn't do it perfectly. It was the first time. That was one less smelly diaper to change and we all felt great! Later he also had a pee success! After all this time we finally are celebrating!

Now, why am I really telling you this? I became very aware of how we treat ourselves. How often do we actually celebrate our attempts? What if we make mistakes? Do we celebrate? Most often as adults we find ourselves beating ourselves up for the parts where we missed.

What would happen if I yelled at my 3 year old for the part of his attempt that missed the toilet? How likely would he get trained any time soon? So why then do we yell at ourselves when we make mistakes? Have you celebrated the part that worked? How about just celebrate the attempt!

I think it is time to PARTY! Celebrate! Is it a struggle to get up each day? Celebrate, even if it was only to go to the bathroom. How much likely are you to do more when you celebrate you?

Celebrate your success! Celebrate the parts that worked! Celebrate the attempt!

If you loved this be sure to share, tweet, recommend and comment! Thanks!

April 19, 2013

Asking, Direct or Implied

Lately, I've been very aware of how people ask for things. Many of the people in my world imply what they want. Others directly say exactly what they want. This is actually another aspect of our dual natures.

Here is a scenario to explain these concepts. Let's pretend there is a cup of juice sitting on the edge of the table. As an observer you recognize that it is about to be knocked off by someone's elbow. How do you let that person know and hopefully prevent a mess?

If you are a direct you might say something like, "Hey, move that cup!" If you are an implier you may say, "That cup is about to fall." Neither way is wrong. They are simply just different subconscious responses. It's not something we usually think about.

A person who says, "I sure could use some help around here," is implying what they want. There is a subconscious expectation that the other people will fill in the blanks and infer what they want. A person who says, "Michele, take out that garbage," is directly saying what they want done.They see what they assume is the best result and then ask for that result.

There are varying degrees of how this shows up. Tacking please onto the beginning or end of a direct sentence doesn't change the directness of it. Getting closer to the center would be like saying, "Will you move that cup?" You still state specifically what you want but you've put it in a question. At the same token when I hear someone say, "Michele, I could use some help," I know that they want me to help, but they've still implied as to what exactly they want from me.

I am an implier. I noticed that the other day that I said, "I was wondering about the $39 offer." What I meant is that I would like to take that offer so could you please send me the information. I have realized that there are times and situations in which I need to be more direct. For instance with my children. I will specifically name my child and ask them to help with a specific task. I do this because when I don't they ignore me thinking the others will do it, or pretend they don't know what I want. When I'm being conscious of what I am doing I can directly say what I want. This can save me some stress, even though this is not my comfortable way of doing it.

Knowing this information can save a lot of heart ache. Knowing this can give you insight into your own natural style as well as those around you. Then you can be more understanding when they are showing up in a way that you don't agree with. You can be more vocal about what you really want, and therefore not get let down when they don't do what you ask. You can let go of the outcome a little and allow others to infer your desires.

Remember, you can only change you. You can change your reaction to them. If you have an implier saying they want help, and you know they likely mean for you to do it, you can do it or ask them more questions to get it figured out. Consider asking the direct asker to give you a little space to figure things out. Communication is key here.

When dealing with others, especially important relations like with my children. I watch and observe not only how they ask but more important which ways they respond to. Some of my children respond better when a suggestion is left and they can use their own authority to choose. Others prefer to know exactly what is expected of them. This often is the opposite of their asking style. I don't like being told what to do and yet I prefer to know exactly what is expected of me.

If you want to really know how direct or implying you are, think about about how you ask a customer representative about something. Do you soften your words by saying, "Would you please help me with..." or do you just say, "Hey, I need help with..."

Thanks for learning with me! I would love for you to share, tweet, +1, etc.


April 12, 2013

Trigger Free Living

Imagine what it is like for a mother to have her 3 year old child fall from a tall stool at McDonald's. He has one of those cries, or rather lack of crying, that causes her to say, "Breath." In fact this time it takes quite a while before he does breath and start into the next stage of crying. What would she feel? Panic!

Today, my son fell. He is the youngest of six. Yes, I panicked the most when it was my oldest that would get hurt. I may have acted more calm with the rest as the years have gone but that didn't change that feeling of panic inside. Just a year ago, I remember feeling panicked when my kids would fall, or even be really ill. This state of panic creates a disconnect between my intuition and my conscious thoughts.

I have done a lot of healing work over the years. The last few months have been some of the best. The healing I've done has been deep and permanent. A few months ago I did some clearing on the panic and inability to listen to intuition as I needed to work with my children.

Today, as my son cried in my arms I didn't feel panic. I felt concern for him and compassion for his fear but not panic. This was so new to me and such a blessing. It allowed me to realize that the reason he was acting a little out of it after the fall was because he was out of it. In other words his spirit had left his body for a bit. Not to the point of death but it did leave temporarily. It's a coping mechanism. The reason we need soul retrievals is this coping mechanism of removing ourselves temporarily from the body, however, sometimes that part doesn't return to the body.

I told my son to come back to his body and that I understood it was scary but he'd be ok. As I sat wondering how to help him further the thought came to buy him a candy bar. We were in a McDonald's that is attached to a gas station. How convenient? I guess that's why it's called a "convenient" store. :) One of the great things about chocolate is it's grounding properties. It helped that the guy chatted with my son and got him to smile before we left. We sat in the car while he ate his candy bar. I wanted to give him time to make sure it wasn't more serious, like a concussion, and to give time for the chocolate to take affect.

Now, as I write, he is outside playing as usual. He's fine. I get that his soul is intact with nothing left behind. What a relief. Through it all I was able to stay calm and connected. What a blessing to have the panic trigger gone!

Chocolate for GroundingMy wish to you is a trigger free life. Are all of mine gone? Heaven's no. :) I'm working on it and each trigger that is gone brings more peace, love and joy to my life!

From my heart to yours,

Michele