May 25, 2013

Goal Changes

As I reported last time, week 1 of my goal was fantastic. I was feeling good and really anxious for class. By the end of the second week we are supposed to be in a place to soar into action.

Week two was a struggle. Getting a way to measure my success was hard. Life decided to throw me some stuff. I had said, "This is what I want to work on." The universe said, "Ok, here you go," and threw me a whole bunch at once!

I thought I was doing great. Somehow filing for a divorce had turned into "being my authentic self". Then yesterday I was out and about. I saw a tall, thin blond and immediately went into, "That is what guys want." That is when I remembered what I had wanted for my goal. It wasn't to be authentic. It was to know that I am lovable, desirable, to actually believe I can be someone's ideal.

Woops! I realized that I had managed to get myself side tracked. Somehow I had gone from desiring this true love of myself to wanting to be me. It is different enough to make a difference.

So, I have changed my goal. Now my goal affirmation is: I am feeling peace, love, and joy now that I am in love with and cherish me. That is right folks, I get to fall in love with me over the next few weeks! :) As a side benefit I will likely start being more authentic as the weeks progress! ;)

I am filing for divorce as a way to honor my heart. I am giving my husband his stuff, including sorting through the dishes and Christmas, as a way of giving my mind and spirit some peace. I am falling in love with each part of me, one day at a time!

I'm super excited and I will be happy to report back to you as time continues!

May 17, 2013

My Goal

I am taking a goal class. This is a pretty cool class. We get to learn awesome tools, ideal for assisting us in attaining our desired results. The first two weeks are about planning. Getting clear on what I want, when I want it, why I want it, some steps and of course setting up support. I've been to 2 classes now.

My goal is basically about clearing out room for a new romagic relationship. (That's romance+magic!) I have found that a part of my goal is to consciously choose to live from my authentic self, for a significant period of time. This will mean clearing out false beliefs and remembering the real me. Since it is so closely related to the theme of my site I thought it would be fun to post a little each week about how I'm doing with my goal.

The first week, I was rocking. I was figuring out my goal. Figuring out my whys and finding more whys. It was awesome. I was so enthusiastic. I only had one moment that I was actually considering cutting it back to a smaller goal. I knew that this was typical of my sabotaging methods so I stuck with it.

The second class was going awesome. Someone called out a comment on something I had said. It threw me for a loop. "What you see that as that behavior?" went through my head. Then later I was stuck. See my original goal wasn't measurable. It was fantastic but without measure-ability how do you know when you've hit it? I wasn't even bothered by this. I knew it would come. Then another person mentioned some traits they saw me showing up with.

I broke down. I was feeling like no one ever sees the real me. This is a common theme in my life. It doesn't even matter if there is any truth to what people see. This is my belief, my perception. How can I create my ideal relationship when I am not even really showing up as me? The good news is this break down lead me to clarity on my goal. YAY!

The next step was to then find a belief to change. I did. My new belief is, "The real me is likable." To assist me in remembering, I decided to draw a picture of me and label it with many of the traits I see in me. I've included it here! Not bad for many years of not sketching, eh? Look at all those traits. How can the real me not be likable if all those things are me?

Anyway, I'm only a day into this second week. I'm up against some interesting challenges. One being asking for help! :) I say, "Bring it on!"

Being Me

A path of arrows going the same way.
For those of you familiar with me you will notice a color change on my site. A while back I had a friend that made my newer logo. I love my logo. To me it represents a metamorphosis of both the heart and the spirit. These two traits are very me.

At the time that I received my new logo, I was spending a lot of time on another person's site. I liked her color choices and I had connected them with the ideas of my site. Therefor I used a similar color.

The other night I was reading a book about branding. I asked myself, "Do people see me when they come to my site?" The answer was no. I'm a soft and nurturing kind of woman. I'm romantic and loving as a natural way of being. I changed my site colors to look more like what I think would be me. I'm happy with them and other's have expressed that it looks more like me as well.

The reality is that this was just a mirror of the kind of things I've done my whole life. Many of us do this. We hang out with certain people and may make choices that aren't really what we want. Maybe we wear certain kinds of clothes just because it's the in thing to do. We may even choose jobs based on what others expect. I know I went to college where I did because I didn't think people would support me in going to school for drama. I believed that they would say that I had to get a "real" job.

It's really important, for our joy factor, for us to choose to live in our own identity. I'm not ready to really dress like me. I have some beliefs to work on. I can choose, however, to find ways to bring my identity into my dress in subtle ways. The more I do this, I find the better I feel in my outfits. Each step brings me closer to expressing the real me. One day, I'll totally dress like me. As I choose careers that are true to me and let myself home school and mommy time the way that works for me, I find happiness and more cooperation in my children.

Become the yellow arrow going it's own way.
My advice? If you have an area that isn't joyful in your life, ask first, "What am I doing that is not being true to me?" You might be surprised at the answers.

A note about the pictures. These white arrows are painted on the entire path at the park in my neighborhood. Even the yellow one was painted there. I found it very fitting that we were walking against the arrows, talking about making our own path and then we came across the yellow arrow. Becoming our true identity is making our own path.

May 03, 2013

Two Opposing Beliefs

What happens when you have two opposing beliefs?

Recently I realized the answer. I have believed in my ability to inspire people for a long time. I have had so many people tell me that I inspired them. This made it an easier belief to believe.

My passion is to inspire. They say once you live in passion you'll achieve your dreams right? Why then if I believe I am inspiring and this is my passion have I been struggling?

Imagine that you are being pulled in two different directions. One of the pulling forces represents a positive moving forward belief, like I am inspiring. Now the other pulling force is a limiting belief, like I am unwanted. They will both tug on you with all their strength.

Now let's say the limiting belief is stronger. It keeps pulling and eventually you begin to move backwards toward that negative side of life. You would not even try to inspire because the belief that you are unwanted is stronger then the belief that you inspire.

Now let's say the limiting belief is equal to your positive belief. You may occasionally actually say something inspiring. Maybe even write fantastic, inspiring things. You are not likely to get very many readers, because you still believe you are unwanted. Basically you won't go anywhere, you'll be stuck.

Now let's say your positive belief is stronger then the limiting belief. This time you will move forward. You'll share your inspiration. You'll even reach a few people. You'll start to feel great. Sadly, you will still move slow at best.

Now what happens when you eliminate the negative limiting belief? That's right, you'll zoom into action. You'll not only believe that you are inspiring you'll believe that you are wanted! Watch out world here she comes!

Artwork provided by my truly awesome son Andrew.