June 29, 2013

Ropes Part 1- My Choice

It's MY choice! Yes!
I had the most amazing time at Ropes with my goal attainment class. I am dividing my experience into a few posts.

We were encouraged to bring with us our biggest limiting belief. I did my work and took with me the following, "I have no agency." I have been a grand promoter my whole life of the concept there is always a choice. Isn't it ironic that many of our deepest beliefs are exactly opposite of our greatest causes?

My dear friend and facilitator taught me that it's really a victim mentality. "If I don't choose this and I just do it then it's their fault. After all I was just along for the ride." How much more powerful is it to actually choose into things, or out of them? I get to be accountable. The reality is we are accountable for our actions, including not fully choosing, whether we want to be or not, so why not choose in?

I took back my power! I got to create a power pose. As I stomp my foot and swing my arm into position I say, "Yes!" I can also say, "No!" Taking a conscious effort to choose each activity was so empowering! If you see me on the street doing this you'll know I'm making a conscious choice. :)

Some activities required us to wear harnesses. As soon as I declared yes I immediately was next in the harness. Isn't that how our lives would flow the best? Choose in and then go for it!

In future posts I will share what happened when I chose no, what happened when I didn't choose 100% and maybe even what happened when I waited to choose. :)

With love and light!

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June 25, 2013


Last Wednesday I made one of the biggest steps of my life! I have been separated from my husband for over 3 years. I have known that it would be best for us to move on from each other. I just couldn't find the courage within me to file for divorce. I finally did it!

A few weeks ago I looked at my beliefs around courts and paperwork. I found a lot of beliefs came from when my parents divorced back when I was 12. For 28 years these beliefs have ruled my life! With them gone, I found the paperwork fairly easy and, although I took J with me, I realized that I was totally ok filing by myself. Him being there just saved a step because he could sign the acceptance form and admit he's been served. :)

Now there is a 90 day waiting period, required by Utah law, with a few to do's in the meantime. We then can file the final paper work in the middle of September and have word back by the beginning of October. Oh boy that means that I could easily be dating for my birthday in December! A little nervous. :)

This was the first major part of my goal. The next major part is getting J's stuff out of my place and into his! I am so excited for the Feng Shui aspects of this. I've already found some of my "missing" things and I have quite the collection of things to take to him. The very corner of the top picture is a bunch of dishes that have been in those boxes for 5 years. That would be a side effect of living with parents. I have probably already gone through half of the boxes! I've trashed, shredded and repacked. I'm loving knowing what is where and really moving forward!

As I've been going I have been working on beliefs. I'm really excited about the most recent belief. I found it under about 3 different threads of thinking. The belief was, "I am a mistake." Wow! Did I really have that running? Yes, I did. I cognitively knew that there are no mistakes or accidents. This would include me. I'm grateful for the opportunity to change this. Now I'm totally feeling that I am planned perfection! What a huge step towards loving me!

I'm also loving the side benefits of this loving me stuff. I find myself desiring to take better care of myself. I'm finding my intuition has increased! I'm happier!

Up next? I get to be on a ropes course this week! I am so excited!

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June 18, 2013

Beautiful To You

In our class we have a focus each week that we can use to improve our lives as well as move forward in our goal. This week it has been about creating peaceful relationships. We were asked to focus on 3 relationships and even told what one of those would be. That one? The relationship with me.

It's totally perfect for moving me forward in my goal. How can I love myself, if I am at war with myself? Only here was the challenge as well. How do you set clear boundaries with yourself? How do you shift yourself out of that limiting self-talk? This has been my dilemma for a few days, or we could say years.

Today, I was talking to a friend about it. She shared with me a suggestion that had been given to her when she was going through the same kind of thing. She picked a song that would take her to a happy place. She had it on her phone so she could play it whenever she found herself in that battle.

I was worried. How could I choose a happy song when I know that in the past happy songs just made things worse? I had a song come to mind. It's not a "happy song" so I was discounting it at first. The song is in my play list, which doubles as my alarm. It was no coincidence that just moments after my conversation with my friend my alarm went off. Guess which song was first up for today.

I came to a clear awareness today. Some people will benefit from "happy" songs, pictures, memories, etc. Some people like myself do best with songs that can get through to the love-peace core of who I am. Often it's the spiritual songs that can get me out of my funk. If you are looking for a solution to a similar problem, what kind of song or reminder would work for you?

I have included a video of the song that I love so much. I had never sung it with myself in mind before. I would love for you to listen and while you do, imagine that you are singing to yourself. It may bring some stuff up, who knows. For me it was healing. It send shivers through my whole body and I of course cried.

Please note. I don't really know what Reece's Rainbow is. I get that they assist beautiful Down Syndrome babies into loving families. This video is about that, before's and afters. If it's distracting then please close your eyes and just immerse yourself in the song that speaks to my soul.

June 15, 2013

State Change

In science a state change is when something, like ice, goes from solid, to liquid, to gas or back again. I personally am not likely to change into a liquid or gas, although some hot summer days I do begin to wonder. State change for me is a matter of changing my stance, attitude or environment so that I can get what I want.

This week started out awful. I was not a nice person to be around. I was doing my usual things. I was releasing energy, I was feeling my feelings, I was going for a walk, etc. Nothing was changing. I didn't like being how I was and yet I couldn't figure out what to do in order to change my state. A few things worked for a bit but then whatever was going on would come right back.

I had an appointment for lunch with a friend. She turned out to be on a juice fast and I didn't have a car. It would have been so easy to just forget it. Lucky for me I stuck with it. She came over and we went to my neighborhood park. For her it was a break she wouldn't have taken. As an entrepreneur she would have just gone home to work. For me it turned out to be magic.

The definition of insanity, as you've probably heard, is doing the same thing and expecting different results. In my walks I either was bringing my junk thinking with me or bringing one of the family with me. Going to that same park with my friend was doing something different. It gave me a chance to focus on other things and seriously allow the break to take affect.

Not everyone would benefit from a break with a friend. You'll know. If that friend is someone that you share all your problems with, will there really be a state change? Some people need to take breaks from people in general.

Sometimes a state change really is as easy as saying things like, "I am peaceful." Sometimes it is as easy as changing how you are standing. If you want to feel confident, stand that way and it will change your state.

Are You Sure?

When you set a time period intention and you are completely committed to that, you have invited into your experience all the obstacles that you get to overcome in order to be there.

It's like the inner me is saying, "Oh you want to love yourself and you have a goal deadline of August 8th? Perfect, well here is this because until you discover this limiting belief you'll not get there." So I deal with it. For me a recent one was realizing that I had a limiting belief of "I'm not lovable." It was huge to clear this up! By the way, I am very lovable!

So I had just conquered Mount I'm-not-lovable. Woohoo, I was feeling great! I had the huge aha moments on Thursday. That evening was awesome. The next day was super! Friday night before bed....

I hit another moment that would best be described as, "Are you sure?" I was looking at the almost entirely printed stack of divorce papers. I ran out of ink, or it would have been a complete stack. Out of nowhere I started to cry. I was so frustrated with myself for hitting another obstacle, I wanted more time in peace.

I had the thought to look back through my Power 90 Journal. I saw things I wrote about my buddy asking me about if divorce was really the right solution. I thought about all the other people who were literally asking me, "Are you sure?" I was so frustrated at the time. Now I am grateful. Each time someone asked I was able to more fully solidify my resolve. "Yes, this is right for me. My husband agrees. The children will be better off in the long run."

My obstacle wouldn't let me fully see what it was. It was showing up as failure and yet I knew that wasn't the real answer. I moved a lot of that energy anyway. It was like the failure concept was a wall around the truth. The truth is I doubt myself. It's a part of why my external world was literally asking me, "Are you sure?"

Woohoo, now that I have that awareness, that came while writing this, I can move that energy! I will then be able to trust that, "Are you sure?" could still show up but the meaning will be a question asking me how committed I am instead of a result of my self doubt.

June 08, 2013

Being Me

We've had 4 goal classes so far. This last week we met our Gurus. Let me tell you, mine is awesome! She's pretty, smart, sexy, wise, capable, authentic, inspiring, etc.

One of the things my guru suggested was finding the belief under my thoughts about romance.

See I'm a born romantic. Sometimes, this is really hard! I seriously was saying, "Romance hurts!" I've never really had it in my life so it hurt to be a romantic. Watching romantic movies didn't fulfill my needs, they just made me more aware of what I was missing.

What was under the concept of romance hurting? This belief, "Being me hurts." Woah, did I just say that? Here I am striving for authenticity. Wanting to be me in all places and at all times and I believe that being me hurts? No wonder it has been so hard!

This is a bandaid I found to
wear as a reminder of how
healing I am.
I love my new belief! Being me is healing. I love how encompassing that is. I heal myself by being me. I offer healing to others by being me. Even saying it or thinking it just shifts me right back into my peace-love me space!

As for the rest of my goal?

Well, I realized filing for divorce has become a way of locking in one of my why's. I'm taking steps each weekday to move that forward.

I've found cool ways to get my room to a place where working on decluttering is easier. My desire to clear out my ex's stuff is stronger. I'm looking forward to the Feng Shui results of that. :)

I'm finding my mind is open to more tools for loving each aspect of me. I love being short! I love my hair and eyes. I have super cute freckles! I'm working my way around my body parts. By then end I will know I am one sexy lady!

My love of my natural inhibitedness and the way I jump from subject to subject has locked in. I see how truly beneficial they are to my life purpose!

Deciding that being me is healing has just increased the ability to achieve this goal by innumerable times. I am so excited!

Eternal Mirrors and Now

One of the most beautiful physical aspects of an LDS temple is the use of mirrors. During marriages couples are often encouraged to look into one mirror while another is on the wall behind them. The reflections continue on with no end which is a perfect example of eternity.

Recently, I was gazing into mirrors that sit opposite each other. I became very aware of now. The original image is in perfect proportion. Each reflection gets smaller and somewhat disproportionate. Eventually you can't even see what the original really looks like.

It became clear to me, just like the mirrors, that the only really clear moment we have is now. The past gets smaller and harder to remember. The future is rarely ever seen and even when it is foreseen it can change. Now is perfect. It is always where we are. Wherever you are now is the perfect place for you. There are no accidents. It's time to love and embrace each moment, your now.

Michele Lewis, Identity Specialist, helping you discover who you are, why you are here, and how to finally live and create the life of your dreams!