July 13, 2013

Success

This picture reminds me of some of the amazing beliefs I have taken on in the last few months. I have loved my journey. I love even more who I have become.

When I look in the mirror, I am still amazed at how beautiful I look. Did I change anything on the outside? No! I simply chose to see myself differently.

It took courage to follow through with my commitment to file for divorce. We've recently gone to the classes that Utah requires as a part of the divorce process for parents. I learned there that I've already moved through the stages of grief arround the end of my marriage. I guess 3 1/2 years of separation can do that for me. I always saw myself as stuck. Maybe I wasn't stuck so much as just healing.

It took dedication to go through all of my boxes. There were some that I'd open and think, "There can't be anything of his in here," yet there often was an item or two. It took choosing to be friends in order to have a day of peace when sorting dishes together. I was able to stand up for some of my wants and I surprised him with some of the things I was willing to let him have. That takes a real love of self.

I had a way to measure my goal. I would know I loved me when...
I could go places like the mall and not compare myself to the other girls. I remember a couple of months ago, as a part of the reason for choosing this goal, that I saw a tall, thin, young, blond girl. I had thought, "That is what guys want." I love how as I have learned to love me I am seeing all men and women in a completely different light. I see beauty in all shapes and sizes! I know that as my desires are not the same as my friends, so too do men's desires vary.
I can be ok as I see happy couples. I now think, "Oh, isn't that sweet." There are no more lines going through my head saying things like, "That's not fair. I want that. I'll never have that." In fact I believe I can have that. I believe that I am ok if it never happens. I'm content with who I am, knowing that I am a whole person in a perfect place for me.
I am walking around and going places seeing men as men; as human beings. This means I am not seeing a man, thinking "he's cute" and then searching for a ring or other indications that he's taken. I find myself noticing that there are men that draw me to connect with them. I am not putting a label on that connection of "he's the one". I love that I can be friends, real friends, with men.
I've had some bonuses from this goal. My relationships with my children have become stronger. I find myself being more patient with them. I am taking time to really connect with my children. I am willing to let others assist in their care if that is what is best for them. Before I resented any input or help even when I allowed it to happen. I can let go and share.

I desire doing things for my body and health that I didn't desire before. My posture and the way I speak with people has improved. I have made so many friends in the last few months. In my class and outside of my class. They are true friendships, like those I have always wanted to have.

Now that I am in love with me, I am ready to take on the next project. I achieved this goal 4 weeks early! I will finish my series on the lessons I have learned from Ropes. :) I love sharing what I learn. What's the next goal? I am creating a successful business!

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2 comments:

  1. Michelle, I love how strong you are and how you grow each day. It gets better!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kim! It's fun. I'd rather move forward and get better than back. Wouldn't you agree?

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