December 08, 2014

When passion turns to should

The idea for this post started to form when I did some techniques to assist me with my feelings of overwhelm. I like to do a bubble diagram of all I “need” to do and even add a little note about how I feel about the to do.

One subject is homeschool. It has begun to feel like a should. I felt this same way about writing in my other blog on essential oils. Even some other things in my life, like church, scripture reading and journal writing all at one time or another has felt like a should.

All of these things are in some way inspired. I know that I am supposed to be homeschooling my children. It can be hard work but it is one of the most rewarding endeavors I have ever taken on. I felt prompted and inspired to write the essential oil blog. Yet I spent around a year with 'writers block'. I love reading scriptures, going to church and especially writing in my journal and yet I have had many times when I couldn't force myself to do them.

Why is that? It's because they all became shoulds.

With homeschool it was a matter of people challenging me because some of my children don't read as well as they “should'. We're working with learning disabilities in my home. I'm finding myself stressed because my eleven year old wants friends and I really haven't figured out how to provide that. We're talking about her going to some junior high classes next fall and then I feel pressure because what if she isn't where she needs to be?

I lost focus on the why and the end goal. My goal was never to have them ready to enter junior high, or even read by a certain age. My end goal is for my children to have the education that each child needs to suit their own needs and future callings in this world. The end goal is to have them ready for adulthood.

Every time I get caught up in the people pleasing aspect of homeschool I 'fail' as a homeschool mom. I say fail because I do in many ways quit. I get so stressed about doing things a certain way and we end not doing anything at all.

With my essential blog I felt uninspired. I felt stressed because I had been giving an oil away each week. I have the oils but I didn't have the money to send them to people. I got stressed because all of my readers were already essential oil users. A part of me was hoping to get some clients or team members from what I wrote. I lost the connection with why I started writing the posts in the first place. I wanted to learn more about the oils myself. I was writing more for me and hoping to share what I learned with anyone who would listen. My why didn't care about whether they joined my team. Writing became a should and I rebelled against the should and quit.

The same goes for everything in my life. If I lose track of the real reason for doing it I will find that I begin to resent doing and I end up quitting. It doesn't matter how much I love it or even how fulfilled I feel in doing it. As soon as I let go of my why and end goals I feel like quitting.

How does one remedy such a thing? Sometimes break isn't always a bad thing as long as it is just a break. Even better if you use the break to reevaluate what it is your are doing, remember the why and end goal.

For my essential oil writing I decided to let it just come out however it wanted. I didn't force myself to stick with writing about oils in abc order. I didn't even force myself to stick to writing about an oil each week. I decided to let it just come out as it wants to come out. I did away with the contest, at least for now. If I start again I will make sure it is in alignment with my why and end goal.

For everything that we have do it s a good practice to ask ourselves if we really want to do it. If yes, then do so. If the answer is no, then we can ask ourselves why not. Is it because it isn't aligned with us? Is it because we need a break to regroup? Is it because we're pleasing others and we don't want to do that any more? Often the answers we give ourselves are easy to resolve.

I don't believe we were meant to come to earth and live a life of shoulds.

Even with the gospel. We were given commandments but we aren't supposed to follow them because we should. He wants us to follow them because we love Him and desire to serve Him. We aren't meant to go to work because we should. We can make it through those should situations by focusing on a different reason. Focus on the positive side vs the negative side. No more I have to go to work to pay the bills. Now we can focus on It's time to go to work because I love my children and want to do my best to provide for them.

This change in attitude will do a few things. You will find that you are just all around happier. You will find you get more done because you aren't fighting yourself about doing. You will even find blessings come to you. A job you don't like could turn into one you do like or you will find a new job you enjoy. It's all because you have changed your internal vibration to be in alignment with a better thing.

Good luck with your should busting. It can be fun finding a way around a should. The end result is worth it.

With love and light,

Michele

Here is the link the essential oil blog I mentioned. You are welcome to go on over and see what I have to say. emotionaloilgal.blogspot.com

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