July 28, 2015

Fighting Who We Are

Lately, I have been getting reminders that I am struggling because I am fighting my nature. This has got me thinking about some of the times I have all out fought who I was.

If you have been following me a long time, then you will know about my adventures in Dressing-Your-Truth-land. I believe there is a truth found within the concept, but I am questioning a lot of things about that program.

In the beginning, I wanted to be a type 1, bright, bubbly, outgoing. It didn't really matter what I was because that is what I wanted to be. When my former husband came home from his training saying he was a type 1, I started crying because I was just sure two type 1s wouldn't marry each other.

Then, I went to my training and was mistyped because of my desire to be a type 1. I not only convinced myself, but I also convinced the reserved consultant. If she saw a different type, she wouldn't tell me because she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings.

Dressing as a type 1 came with some unhealthy things. I was determined I wasn't being the outgoing, bubbly person because I was wounded. I was sure if I forced myself to be that outgoing and bubbly person, I would overcome the wounds and find me again. I convinced myself the wounds came so young that I couldn't remember being that way.

I was exhausting and wounding myself. After a few years of this, I finally decided I must be a different type; the truth is I was never settled in the type 1 concept. Shortly after deciding a different type, I went to a party and allowed myself to be quiet and reserved. I allowed others to approach me and I sat in calm observance. I felt incredible relief.

The truth is, inhibited is my nature. I cannot change that without changing the core of who I am. There is a gift in being me. I am a natural observer and my thoughts run deep. My writing is a result of who I am.

In general society, I would be considered an introvert who was trying to force herself to be an extrovert. I still am in many ways. I know that I have the most energy and am being me when I run my business as an introvert and yet I beat myself up for not being an extrovert. How can I have success when I am doing this to myself?

What about you? Where in your life are you forcing yourself to be something you aren't? Are you a stay at home mom type who is trying to fit in a business world? Maybe you're the business type who is trying to fit in the stay at home mom type. Are you outgoing, trying to seem demure? Are you a super shy person forcing yourself into crowds?

Look around at your life. Are there areas in your life where you are trying to be or change who you are? Maybe you are doing energy work that isn't working because you are trying to change the core you. Whatever it is, become aware. That's the first key. Once you are aware you  can decide where to stop doing things, where to change things and where to just go with it anyway.

In love and light,

Michele Lewis
Identity Specialist

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